A Productive Day

The day is nearly over on my country mile and I'm feeling pleased with wrapping up an important stage of a huge project.  If all goes as planned, it will create a lot more work for me but should help solidify my status as a writer on mental health and related topics.

Today I sent out to Manitoba newspapers, via email, nine press packages that I and the publicity director of the Canadian Mental Health Association put together over the last couple of months. We're hoping to Spread the Word (that's what the project is called) about mental health, demystify the issues, and eradicate the many stigma that still exist about mental illness.   See my past posts under the mental health label on the sidebar.

What has allowed me to be so productive today is something that I often write about in my mental health columns.  I had a good night's sleep last night.  And, although I was a little sluggish in the morning (side effect of my arthritis meds), by mid-afternoon I was ready to tackle this major stage of my project.  I survived a few formatting problems without getting overly discouraged (encouraged by some major assistance from "the squire") and had no trouble executing each necessary step over and over patiently.

Did you know that while we're sleeping our brains rebuild their supply of serotonin, dopamine, and all the other neurotransmitters we need to regulate our emotional balance throughout the day?  No wonder we're crabby, easily discouraged, or even weepy when we're short on sleep.  

It's ironic that one of the main symptoms of many mental health problems is a significant change in sleep patterns.  The one leads to the other, which then leads back to the first.  I know that when I've had too many nights of little or no sleep, I become depressed or anxious, often both.  I find no energy or enthusiasm for anything but what's absolutely necessary; I get forgetful; I have less patience or have to work much more intentionally at being patient; and my chronic pain issues get worse.

But even one night of at least eight hours of restful sleep is all it takes for me to feel energetic, cheerful, hopeful, patient, and creative.  My pain is often reduced after catching up on my sleep and I'm actually in a mood to admit that this long, cold, and very snowy winter is pretty sometimes, especially here at the end of my country mile. 

Then I don't mind nearly as much that I have to stay inside and work on the many projects that I was feeling discouraged about when I was so short on sleep.  And I love the feeling of having achieved something on my long to-do list, just as I did today.

Paperwork: UGGHHH!!

My goodness!  Where does time go?  I had so many writing projects planned and got none of them accomplished in the week since I've posted last.  Of course, I did achieve several other things that came up at the last minute and were also important.  Some of these were related to professional accreditation; I chose to accept a one-time opportunity to fast-track that process but it still was a lot of paperwork.

So, although I had hoped to write my columns for the week and even work ahead a little, I did something else.  Perhaps tomorrow, I told myself; tomorrow I will write something that is just for fun after I've met my deadlines.

And then there were a couple of appointments that were planned at the last minute, but were definitely worth attending.  One was related to the thing I hate most of all - the paperwork connected to annual taxes - but ended up being worth it as errors on the part of our accountant last tax season led to a favourable conclusion for us.  It's not often that we actually enjoy the visit to the accountant, even though she is a good friend, but this meeting had a happy ending.

Then, yesterday we received a very fat envelope from the personal care home where "the squire's" Mom wants to live, so now there are pages and pages of even more paperwork to take up our time this weekend.  Of course, we don't want to delay the move for Mom any longer than necessary, so we feel the pressure to get it done for her right away.

The main question with all paperwork is how to get from the above harried feeling to to this happy feeling that comes at the end of the process

as soon as possible.  This week it felt like everything we accomplished promptly led to, or was replaced by, a new task involving ... what else but more paperwork!  And I've never cared for the paperwork aspects of any activity.  I see it at best as a necessary evil ( with the emphasis on "evil").

So, when I think it over, I've actually had a very productive week; many things were accomplished well.  The only problem is that my to-do list is just as long as it was at the beginning of the week!

The Gift of Insomnia

Yesterday, I meant to post some thoughts about living with insomnia ... but I was so tired, I couldn't remember what I had been thinking and any creativity I might have had sat like a lump of mud, plugging my creative channels.  After several nights of minimal sleep, followed by days of brain fog, headaches, and depressed mood,  just getting through work on Thursday and following my household chores routine on Friday and Saturday felt like plodding through a whole swamp of that heavy, black goo.

And then, oh joy! oh bliss! Last night I slept - over seven hours!  So, now is the time, when the creative gears are running more smoothly, to write about the gift insomnia has been in my life.  You might wonder how I can call the condition a gift when the description of those days after the sleepless nights sounds so grim.  I see clients regularly who echo my heartfelt desire, "I just want to sleep," and look to me for solutions.  Part of the work I do with them is to examine the ways insomnia might be considered a gift in their lives.

Now this is not a pie-in-the-sky or Pollyanna attempt to tolerate insomnia because there's no other choice.  Rather, it's about acceptance.  If we can accept that this is part of who we are, we will care for ourselves differently.  In my case,  I've already had to accept other limitations to what I can reasonably expect to achieve because I have a chronic pain condition that restricts many options.  Sometimes I call this condition a gift because it has taught me to manage the energy I do have and to appreciate the things I can achieve.

In the same way, insomnia can be a gift.  If I can accept that I'm a person who sleeps poorly at night, can I manage my life so that I'm more productive at the times I feel the most energy, often in the evening and the first part of the night?  Can I allow myself to sleep later in the morning, especially on weekends, and not criticize myself for "wasting" the best part of the day.  Perhaps early mornings, beautiful as they are, and much as I appreciate the few I experience, just aren't generally the best part of my day.

In addition to learning to respect myself and accommodate my unique health needs, insomnia has given me the gift of solitude.  I love the silent stillness of late evening, especially on a warm summer night when I sit in the gazebo and listen to Nature quieting herself.  Then I am most aware of God; then its easier to meditate on God and life; then its easier to just be silent and calm in God's presence.  This is the best part of the day for me ... and also the most creative part of my day.  Now I'm alone (the squire is, of course my exact opposite: early to bed and early to rise, which works well for us, most of the time) and there are fewer distractions to slow the ideas and connections as my mind processes the day and turns to God.

And that's something that perhaps I wouldn't experience in the same way, were it not for the gift of insomnia.