My Best Christmas Present Ever

Every year when the Christmas season approaches I start thinking about gifts.  I love buying gifts for people and anticipating how happy they will be to receive them.  And each gift-giving season I also find myself thinking about the best Christmas present I ever received.

It was tradition in my parents' home that gifts appeared under the tree some time during the night after Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve.  In the morning we six siblings would troop down the stairs when beckoned and join Mom and Dad in singing "Away in a Manger" or "Silent Night" in honour of Jesus' birth before we got to open our gifts.

One year when I was about 10 or 11 years old, there was a unique, very oddly shaped gift beside the tree.  Too large and awkwardly shaped to be wrapped, it stood with a blanket draped over it.  I knew instantly what it was and, while we sang, I couldn't take my eyes off it.  Oh, how I hoped it was for me ... but at the same time, I didn't dare believe it could be.  And, oh what joy when I realized that yes! It really was for me!

Here's a picture of my gift I found on an old sixties-era flyer posted on the Internet.

I had never seen anything like it before and never have since, but how I loved that desk.  It was made of light brown metal and the extension poles kept it upright.  I filled it with my notebooks and writing supplies, stacked my favourite books on the shelves, and spent hours and hours late at night writing stories when I should have been sleeping.  I did a lot of homework on it also, as it served me until I graduated from high school.

I don't know what happened to it after Mom and Dad built a new house shortly after I was married but it lives on in my memory as the best Christmas present I ever received.  It's probably the only one of many special gifts in my childhood that I remember so vividly.  I don't think I'll ever forget my first desk, my extension pole student desk.

Christmas Greetings

Christmas Blessings to You and All Yours for 2013 and our Best Wishes for the New Year.

Many thanks for the lovely Christmas cards, photos and greetings that have arrived from many of you. Please accept this letter with our wishes for a Merry Christmas and some updates on our family life as our greeting card to you and a sign of how much we treasure your good wishes.

We have had a much better year overall than last year but it does seem that life always balances itself out with a mix of hard things and joyful things.  The most joyful thing that has our whole family excited and eagerly awaiting 2014 is the impending arrival of a new grandchild.  It’s been over ten years since we’ve had a new member make an entrance and we can hardly wait.  Andrew and Geena announced to us a few months ago that they are expecting their first child in April.  And just a few days ago, we found out that our newest member will be a little girl.  If she gets a share of the good looks, intelligence, and delightful, compassionate personality of her parents, she will be just like our other grandchildren: absolutely perfect!

Garry and I have spent a lot of time this year supporting Garry’s mother, whose health has been failing since about February.  Several emergency trips to the hospital and at least two occasions when we feared she was dying were part of the winter and most of the spring for us until the decision was finally made that she could not cope at home anymore.  Mom and we as a family welcomed this decision and Garry and I took on the task of caring for Mom’s apartment, managing her finances, and handling all the paperwork and practicalities required to transition her to a temporary care facility in Winnipeg.

Once she was comfortably settled there and feeling more secure, the next task was to clean out her apartment and dispose of the furniture, make decisions about what clothing to keep and where to store it, and what personal items to store for her eventual transfer to the permanent facility that is her first choice. Garry’s sister, Hilda, came out to help with that and it really went quite well.  Now we’re finished with those tasks and spend a morning or two each week running errands for Mom or just visiting her.

With all of this going on and the uncertainty surrounding Mom’s heath for so long, we felt especially blessed to be able to celebrate her ninetieth birthday in October.  All the Manitoba family was there with her in the beautiful rooftop solarium at the Misericordia care facility and Hilda was able to come out from Calgary again as a special treat for Mom.

Then, in November, we celebrated another milestone birthday as my mother marked her eightieth year.  My sister, Monika, hosted a lovely party for Mom, her six children, and our spouses in her home. 

Despite all this work and celebrating, we managed our chosen travels this year also, although nothing was ever considered set-in-stone until the day we were scheduled to leave, as our feeling was always that everything depends on Garry’s Mom’s health.  We repeated our road trip to Texas in February and got to spend a few days in Rockport at the same time as my sister Monika and her husband Reid.  That added a whole new level of enjoyment to the holiday.  Rockport is right on the Gulf coast, near Corpus Christi, where we also spent a day seeing a few of the sights.  It was so lovely to enjoy sun and sand, long walks on the beach, and new dining experiences with one of my best friends and her husband.  When sisters are friends, you get a double dose of enjoyment.

And it was a triple dose of enjoyment in July when Monika, Mary, and I travelled together to Minneapolis for a long weekend of sister time, laughing, shopping, fine dining, more laughing, and more shopping.  For me, it was a first and I sincerely hope we get to do it again.

In September Garry and I took a short trip to Branson, Missouri and enjoyed it so much that we realized we had planned too short a holiday.  If we ever have a chance to go again, we’re definitely allowing more time.  We saw several shows, took a dinner cruise, and did some sightseeing.  We both fell in love with the beautiful Missouri and Arkansas scenery and definitely want to see more of it. 

I still really enjoy writing the blog, along with my two columns for our local newspaper.  I was delighted at the beginning of the year when ChristianWeek (you can find them on the Internet) invited me to write a regular column, called Good Counsel, for them this year.  I’m still always looking for new writing markets and opportunities and still working on that novel.  It always seems to be last on the writing priority list because everything else has firm deadlines attached.  My counselling practice continues to be very busy but, due to the stresses of the spring and summer and some decline in my physical health, I’ve had to reduce my workweek to only three days most weeks.  This gives me more time to help out Garry’s Mom and also a few extra hours to devote to my writing.

A special treat for me this year was to be awarded a “Heroes of Mental Health” award by the Manitoba division of the Canadian Mental Health Association.  They seemed to think I deserved recognition for writing a weekly mental health column in our local newspaper for the last five years.

At the awards luncheon in October, I met some people who are very interested in getting that newspaper column to appear in other Manitoba newspapers and I’ve been working with their public relations director for the last few weeks to see if we can make that happen.  And, oh my, is it ever a lot of work!  Hopefully, we’ll have it together for early 2014. 

Garry continues to enjoy retirement, running back and forth to see his Mom, and searching the Internet for new travel destinations.  He spent a lot of time in the fall cutting firewood; we have no shortage of deadfall yet!  We certainly are enjoying all those woodstove fires now in the cold weather.  Garry does a lot of technical support for my writing and my counselling and has recently started driving me to my out-of-town work-related events.  If I earned enough, I’d pay him a salary! When he’s home the dogs keep him busy and also keep him company when I’m at work or involved in church activities.

(As you can see, they work hard at it!)

Kate still rents space from us in the basement and continues to enjoy her career at EnVision, supporting developmentally challenged adults.  She’s starting to talk about moving out in the spring, possibly renting space from a coworker that she’s become good friends with.  That would be another big change for us in 2014, as we’ve become quite accustomed to having her here and will definitely miss her.  She treated herself to a road trip to Calgary in the summer and is quite intrepid, I think, travelling so far on her own like that.

Chris and Sandra and Emma are happy with city-life and their lovely home in Winnipeg.  They enjoyed a vacation in Arizona in the summer and have us convinced we need to see the Grand Canyon (not that it took much convincing). Chris and Sandra hosted our whole gang for Thanksgiving again this year, which was really quite nice.  We all contributed to the menu, as we always do, but they chose to do the main parts and produced an excellent meal.  

Emma is almost eleven years old now and so smart and beautiful.  She recently achieved another level in her judo training and is almost ready to challenge Garry! Emma is very excited that her new cousin is going to be a little girl and can’t wait to babysit.

Jenn and Dustin and family still enjoy their country life, a few miles south of Steinbach and only a half hour drive from our place.  Bradley, now twelve, and Zachary, ten, are in Grades Seven and Five respectively and both are doing well. The boys played football with the junior leagues of the Eastman Raiders this year and did quite well.  Garry and I really enjoyed going to some of the games, although I had to drop out when the weather got too cold and damp for my achy body.  Garry ended up having to see a lot of them on his own.  Jenn and Dustin continue to renovate and remodel many parts of their home.  They built an absolutely gorgeous kitchen this year and are still working on other parts of the house. 

We hope to have Thanksgiving there next year, as Jenn has had to miss her turn with all the upheaval in her kitchen. 

Jenn’s photography business, now housed in her renovated home studio, continues to grow by leaps and bounds.  She is specializing in newborn infant pictures and does a lot of excellent work with young families as well.

While our children have recently agreed amongst themselves that I’m getting too old and creaky (my words, not theirs!) to host all the family gatherings we like to have, they have kindly arranged things in such a way that I still get to have our Christmas celebration here.  I’m looking forward to having all my dear ones under my roof at the same time.  Next year we’ll have to dig out the high chair for an extra little person and that will be a treat, too.  We’re also very much hoping to have my Mom here in our home over the end of December and the coming of the New Year for a few days.

All in all, it’s been another memorable year for our family; life has often been very busy and many good things have happened as well.  I am part of a faith-sharing group in our church and the lessons and readings we discuss each week serve to highlight all the blessings we have to be grateful for.  Among those blessings, and appearing right at the top of list are all of you, dear friends and family.

In closing, Garry and I and all our family want to wish you and yours all the peace and joy of this holy Christmas season and send our best wishes also for a happy and healthy New Year.

                                                                                               

                                                                                              

                                                                                         

Theo Fleury - My Hero

I had a most interesting day last Thursday, quite a change of pace from my typical Thursday, when I usually see six or seven clients and try to finish up the week's paperwork before I'm off for a few days.

Last Thursday I met an NHL hockey star, none other than Theoren Fleury, of Calgary Flames and Stanley Cup renown.  I wish I could say that I'm an avid hockey fan and couldn't pass up the chance to meet an idol.  That's what my sports fan grandson, Zachary, would probably want me to say.  Zach would probably think that the whole experience of meeting such a famous and talented hockey idol was entirely wasted on his "sports dummy" Oma.

And Theo's hockey achievements would have been a much better reason to meet him.  Sadly, I met him because he is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by the coach that he respected and trusted and has found the courage to go public with his story in the hope of empowering other victims and other survivors to speak out and know that "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT."

Kim Bartel, a psychotherapist who has worked with Theo for two years now and who has become an expert on the neuro-biological aspects of trauma and abuse and of healing conversations (therapy), was another fascinating part of the day's presentations and her dialogue with Theo was very informative.

But the best, while also the hardest part of the whole day, was the conversation that Theo and Kim initiated with all of us who were present in the audience.  One after another, young and old survivors of childhood abuse choked out their painful stories, some for the first time ever, and asked Theo questions like, "how did you do it?" or "how can I write a book to tell my story?"  And the rest of us, who were either fortunate enough not to have suffered in such ways or weren't able to speak up yet, wept with them and vented our feelings by applauding their courage until our hands hurt.

What struck me was how focused Theo was on each person who spoke.  Whether the individual was another survivor or a clinician with a professional question, for Theo that person was the only person in the room and got one hundred percent of his attention.  I had noticed that earlier when I got to chat with him at lunch time; he was centered on our conversation and didn't seem to see all the others waiting to meet him also.

 When I read his book, I noticed that a significant part of his recovery had been learning to live in the present moment only.  His years of anger and addiction had come from avoiding the past, but facing the past didn't mean he had to live there.  He found the ability to go forward in life when he was able to let go of the pain of his childhood and focus on the opportunities of today.  That's a lot easier said than done and it has taken him years of therapy and engaging in his native spirituality to achieve it.  And that's why he's my hero.