Theo Fleury - My Hero

I had a most interesting day last Thursday, quite a change of pace from my typical Thursday, when I usually see six or seven clients and try to finish up the week's paperwork before I'm off for a few days.

Last Thursday I met an NHL hockey star, none other than Theoren Fleury, of Calgary Flames and Stanley Cup renown.  I wish I could say that I'm an avid hockey fan and couldn't pass up the chance to meet an idol.  That's what my sports fan grandson, Zachary, would probably want me to say.  Zach would probably think that the whole experience of meeting such a famous and talented hockey idol was entirely wasted on his "sports dummy" Oma.

And Theo's hockey achievements would have been a much better reason to meet him.  Sadly, I met him because he is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by the coach that he respected and trusted and has found the courage to go public with his story in the hope of empowering other victims and other survivors to speak out and know that "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT."

Kim Bartel, a psychotherapist who has worked with Theo for two years now and who has become an expert on the neuro-biological aspects of trauma and abuse and of healing conversations (therapy), was another fascinating part of the day's presentations and her dialogue with Theo was very informative.

But the best, while also the hardest part of the whole day, was the conversation that Theo and Kim initiated with all of us who were present in the audience.  One after another, young and old survivors of childhood abuse choked out their painful stories, some for the first time ever, and asked Theo questions like, "how did you do it?" or "how can I write a book to tell my story?"  And the rest of us, who were either fortunate enough not to have suffered in such ways or weren't able to speak up yet, wept with them and vented our feelings by applauding their courage until our hands hurt.

What struck me was how focused Theo was on each person who spoke.  Whether the individual was another survivor or a clinician with a professional question, for Theo that person was the only person in the room and got one hundred percent of his attention.  I had noticed that earlier when I got to chat with him at lunch time; he was centered on our conversation and didn't seem to see all the others waiting to meet him also.

 When I read his book, I noticed that a significant part of his recovery had been learning to live in the present moment only.  His years of anger and addiction had come from avoiding the past, but facing the past didn't mean he had to live there.  He found the ability to go forward in life when he was able to let go of the pain of his childhood and focus on the opportunities of today.  That's a lot easier said than done and it has taken him years of therapy and engaging in his native spirituality to achieve it.  And that's why he's my hero.