The Adventure of Life

Whoever said that life is an adventure certainly knew what he or she spoke of.  My life adventure has been sideways, upside down, betwixt and between, and only occasionally right side up, for over a year now.

And why haven't I been posting about it, you might well ask.  Well, that's part of the adventure of this particular life.  For the past year I've been taking an antidepressant because I realized I was so depressed that I was finding writing a chore and having to force myself to meet deadlines.  I believe the depression began when my beloved father died and was aggravated by my increasing pain levels.  I took too long to recognize the change in me for what it was and therefore didn't get help as soon as I should have.

But the help that I finally received from my doctor was an antidepressant that was also known to decrease the perception of pain for sufferers of chronic pain.  It sounded too good to be true and I was delighted to receive the prescription in March of 2014 and begin taking the medication.  Well... you know what they say about things that are too good to be true!

It certainly seemed good at first.  The medication caused very little change in my pain levels but it initially lifted my spirits and gave me a much more positive outlook on life.  I was more interested in writing and reading over the summer and even took on a project to write a play for a school Christmas production.  By the time the deadline for the play arrived, however, I had to force myself to finish it and was having trouble meeting other deadlines.  I began sleeping very poorly, was continually overtired, and felt overwhelmed even when my schedule wasn't overly busy.

A series of visits to a podiatrist confirmed that the bones of my left foot had collapsed and those in the right foot were well on their way.  Knowing that my feet were getting worse and that no antidepressant was going to stop that pain, I asked my doctor for permission and instructions to discontinue the antidepressant.  I followed the protocol he outlined and got sick in a variety of unpleasant ways.  But I knew that withdrawal symptoms for a few days aren't unusual when discontinuing antidepressant medication, so I wasn't too worried.

And now, only a few days later, I have a horrible head cold and a tightly congested chest.  My thinking is so fuzzy that I can barely beat the computer at the beginning levels of Scrabble, where I used to whip it  soundly at higher levels.  My ability to read is limited to a few paragraphs at a time and … I'm itching to write!  Hallelujah!  I want to write!

Now I just have to be patient and wait for my poor head to stop pounding and my eyes to be able to focus for more than a few minutes. It has taken me three days to write this post but I'm delighted that I'm writing, even if its only a few minutes at a time.  I'm itching to be healthy enough to write and read and plot and dream up ideas again.