“Enjoy these years,” they always told her,
those adults who hadn’t a clue anymore. “These are the best years of your
life.” Words that invariably made her
shudder, even now that she was an adult.
She’d always been shy, fearful actually.
Despite excellent grades and above average intelligence, or perhaps because of
them, and despite loving affirmations from her parents, the grains of her
confidence barely covered the bottom of a deep empty cup. She dreamed big,
thanks to her father but chose safety, thanks to her self.
Only once when she was fifteen did she dare
leave the safe zone. A Sadie Hawkins dance was announced at school for a Friday evening in November. She realized she could invite the boy she secretly admired. This night she
would not stand awkwardly with the other unchosen girls and watch prettier and
shorter girls dance with the popular boys while she pretended to be fascinated
by the conversation of the girl next to her who was also pretending that she
didn’t care that she hadn’t been asked to dance.
Something deep inside her stirred with the
faintest glow of delight – it wouldn’t do to get too excited yet – but now
David could be hers for an entire evening. Perhaps even for a slow dance … oh
but would it matter that she, tall for her age and too slim for her height (and
wasn’t slim such an elegant word, so much nicer than skinny) would tower over
him as they danced.
And that was how easily the quiver of
delight became a shiver of anxiety. No, it wouldn’t do, not at all of course.
What had made her think that good-looking, popular, but shorter David would
accept a date from her? Surely Joanna or Barb would ask him and naturally he
would accept. Then he might laugh that she, tall and awkward, had dared to
think that he, popular and handsome, would let himself be seen with her at the
social event of the term.
(Part Two coming soon.)
(Part Two coming soon.)
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