It's the weekend again and I'm full of plans. As usual lately, I find myself saying "And I hope to get to church Sunday morning." A few years ago I would have said "Of course, I'll go to church on Sunday," and I would have centered all my plans around that focus. The way I walk my life's country mile has always included companionship with God and still does.
So, what happened that I don't get to Mass as often as I used to, you might ask. Truthfully. apart from episodes of insomnia and medications that leave me groggy and thinking through cotton wool in the mornings, nothing. God and I are still great buddies; we talk regularly; and he's always showing me more about Himself in the natural beauties I encounter in my forest home. We're like good friends who have such a strong bond that we can stay close, even if one of us doesn't visit the other formally as often as she used to. In the meantime, we're strengthening our heart bond.
So, what happened that I don't get to Mass as often as I used to, you might ask. Truthfully. apart from episodes of insomnia and medications that leave me groggy and thinking through cotton wool in the mornings, nothing. God and I are still great buddies; we talk regularly; and he's always showing me more about Himself in the natural beauties I encounter in my forest home. We're like good friends who have such a strong bond that we can stay close, even if one of us doesn't visit the other formally as often as she used to. In the meantime, we're strengthening our heart bond.
Since we found our country property and experienced both the beauty and ferocity of Nature (an aspect of God, in my experience and understanding) with God at our sides, I'm more in tune with my Best Friend than I've ever been. I've also learned centering prayer and the deepest experience of that lets me grow towards God and the serenity that comes when I quiet myself and know nothing other than that He is God. And then that becomes enough.
Do I still got to Mass? Of course, whenever I can. If, as happened recently, I don't worship with my own community of believers often enough, I start to feel out of touch and alienated from those aspects of God that are best experienced by being together with other human beings, all of us on the same journey but at varying stages. Even worshipping elsewhere, as I've had to frequently in the past few months, isn't quite the same as being in regular communion with my own spiritual family.
So, I think God has taken me to a point on my spiritual country mile where I don't have to go to Mass every Sunday because I know that if I don't meet Him there, I will still be with Him every minute. The best part, however, is that now I long more than ever to meet Him in every way possible and so, on the Sundays I don't get there, I'm very conscious of it. It's a feeling similar to what I experience when there's a gathering of my family and I'm not able to go. I know where they all are, have a pretty good idea of what they're doing, and I'm aware that I'm missing something special, even though I know that I will be with them again in future, just not this time.
In the meantime, I'm worshiping here in my cathedral of trees and enjoying special time with my God, doing "church" our way.
Do I still got to Mass? Of course, whenever I can. If, as happened recently, I don't worship with my own community of believers often enough, I start to feel out of touch and alienated from those aspects of God that are best experienced by being together with other human beings, all of us on the same journey but at varying stages. Even worshipping elsewhere, as I've had to frequently in the past few months, isn't quite the same as being in regular communion with my own spiritual family.
So, I think God has taken me to a point on my spiritual country mile where I don't have to go to Mass every Sunday because I know that if I don't meet Him there, I will still be with Him every minute. The best part, however, is that now I long more than ever to meet Him in every way possible and so, on the Sundays I don't get there, I'm very conscious of it. It's a feeling similar to what I experience when there's a gathering of my family and I'm not able to go. I know where they all are, have a pretty good idea of what they're doing, and I'm aware that I'm missing something special, even though I know that I will be with them again in future, just not this time.
In the meantime, I'm worshiping here in my cathedral of trees and enjoying special time with my God, doing "church" our way.
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